


What It Is

by Bookkbaby



Series: Consent [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, discussion of consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-06
Updated: 2014-05-06
Packaged: 2018-01-23 19:32:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1576979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bookkbaby/pseuds/Bookkbaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"So…" Sam said. "Cas still, uh… has his own room."</p>
            </blockquote>





	What It Is

"So…" Sam said. "Cas still, uh… has his own room."

He winced. He’d been trying for delicate, hoping to keep Dean off the defensive long enough to get some decent information out of him, but that was probably not the best way to begin this conversation.

Dean’s shoulders tensed and he paused briefly while washing off the pot he’d used to make spaghetti sauce that evening. He continued washing with forced nonchalance, but Sam could tell Dean was now on guard.

"Your point?" Dean asked, voice clipped. He rinsed the pot and shoved it, dripping wet, against Sam’s chest. Sam scowled and began to dry the pot.

"Just that Cas has been here a while," Sam said. He went quiet for a moment, trying to formulate his thoughts and figure out how to ask what he wanted to without pissing Dean off.

They had found Cas almost two months ago at a homeless camp halfway between Denver and Lebanon. He’d been thin, sick, and suffering from residual shock from his Fall almost two weeks before. It had been touch-and-go for almost a week after they’d brought him to the bunker. (The hunt they’d been on was unceremoniously dumped on Garth; it was a haunting, run-of-the-mill, no reported deaths. It could wait)

Any remaining doubts Sam may have had over whether or not Dean was in love with Cas had been thoroughly laid to rest while Cas recovered. He hadn’t had many doubts in the first place, but after seeing how careful and protective Dean had been with Cas…

Cas had recovered and had started gaining back the weight he’d lost during his (thankfully brief) time homeless. He’d started helping around the bunker as soon as he could get out of bed, and more often than not it was Cas who did the dishes, the laundry, and cleaned the bunker.

Tonight, however, Dean had insisted on doing the washing up from dinner. Cas had headed to the library, muttering something about organizing the lore instead.

"And?" Dean asked. Sam shrugged weakly, then steeled himself and decided to just go for it. This conversation was long overdue, anyway.

"I thought you’d’ve asked him to share yours by now."

The glass serving bowl Dean had been washing slipped out of his hands and back into the sink, splashing soapy water everywhere. Sam flinched back, but too late to save his shirt from a second soaking.

Sam made a quiet noise of frustration and turned his annoyed gaze to Dean, only to stop. His expression faded into concerned confusion at the pinched, pained look on Dean’s face.

"Dean?" he asked. Dean shook his head and picked up the bowl again.

"I can’t, Sam," he said simply. His tone left no room for discussion, but Sam wasn’t having it.

"And why not?" Sam asked. At least Dean hadn’t denied that he wanted to. Small victory, but Sam would take it.

Dean snorted.

"Asking him to sleep with me?  _That’s_  not skeevey at  _all_ ,” he said sarcastically, tone so biting it took Sam a moment to hear the words beneath. When he finally parsed them, he frowned, confused and more than a little angry.

“‘Skeevey’?” he parroted back at Dean. “Look, just because-“

"Can it," Dean snapped, rubbing the bowl ever cleaner with tight, harsh motions. "Whatever it is you’re thinking, you’re wrong."

"How do you know?" Sam shot back, then continued with his earlier thought. "Just because Cas is a guy doesn’t make it  _skeevey_ -“

"That’s not it," Dean snapped, finally turning to glare at Sam. Sam shut his mouth and returned the stare.

"Then what is it?" he asked, caught between anger and curiosity and a burning need to  _understand_. He wanted to help.

Dean sighed. The anger drained out of him and he turned back to the dishes. He quietly and quickly rinsed the bowl, handed it to Sam, and started on the serving tongs and ladle. Sam waited.

"I’m not going to make him feel obligated to sleep with me," Dean said finally. His tone was more or less even, but tight, and his shoulders were tense.

Sam just stared, flummoxed. He stopped drying.

"What?" he said. Dean didn’t look at him.

"Back in Purgatory…" Dean swallowed. "I told him- fuck, I told him I needed him."

Sam was stunned. He felt his mouth drop open, but he couldn’t speak for shock.

"Guess he took it literally. The first words out of his mouth when that damn fever broke?" Dean chuckled self-deprecatingly. "He promised that he’d still be  _useful_. Even without his powers, he told me he’d do anything we asked of him because it’s the ‘least he can do to repay us’.”

Dean’s voice went biting and hard on the last sentence. Sam was still dumbstruck as a lot of things had suddenly clicked into place.

"I told him he didn’t have to, but…" Dean jerked his shoulders upward in a tight shrug. His lips pressed together, corners turned down.

Sam was silent for several moments. He’d expected this conversation to be difficult, but this was unanticipated.

"Dean," Sam said slowly. "Cas would tell you ‘no’ if he didn’t want to."

Dean looked at Sam.

"Would he, Sam?" Dean asked flatly. "Would he  _really_?”

Sam opened his mouth, then closed it again without speaking, a troubled look crossing his face. He looked away.

Dean sighed loudly.

"I’m not going to ask him that," Dean said. "Not until I  _know_  that he could tell me ‘no’.”

Sam bit his lip. What Dean was saying made a lot of sense. Right now, they were all Cas had in terms of family or support, and if he felt like he owed them for giving him a place to sleep and food to eat…

The implications of that thought made Sam squirm uncomfortably.

"Well, it’s not like he’s just some random homeless guy, right?" Sam offered weakly. "I mean… you two have a history."

He knew that didn’t make this any better and may, in their case, in fact make things worse. With all the baggage and guilt Cas was still carrying from opening Purgatory and everything that had happened back then, he might feel even more obligated to do anything in his power to bring Dean happiness, regardless of his own desires.

Sam was certain that Dean and Cas could be happy together. He had eyes. He’d seen the way Dean and Cas interacted, the way they looked at each other when they thought they wouldn’t be caught. Sam was certain that Cas loved Dean and Sam was almost positive that Cas would be completely willing should Dean make an advance.

Almost.

But with the situation the way it was… right now, it just wasn’t  _right._  Even if Cas said ‘yes’, could that really be called consent when there was a good chance Cas felt obligated to go along with anything Dean asked of him?

It really couldn’t.

Sam reached out and touched Dean’s shoulder, squeezing it in sympathy. Dean nodded once, still not looking at Sam.

"I’m sorry," Sam said quietly. Dean nodded again, finally rinsing the bowl he’d been washing on and off while they talked.

"It is what it is," Dean said heavily. "Wishing won’t change it."

Sam nodded unhappily. He wondered what it must be like for Dean, to have happiness finally,  _f_ _inally_  within reach and be unable to go for it.

There was nothing more to say, so Sam fell silent.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm also on Tumblr at bookkbaby.tumblr.com!
> 
> ETA: Now with a followup!


End file.
